Why not me? – eBook Launch!

Shortly after being diagnosed with cancer, I began to journal my thoughts, feelings and learnings into a page in Evernote.  It was a healthy way of processing for me that allowed me to write down raw emotions and fears, while also writing down hopes, dreams and things I felt God was teaching me.

Ever since that time I’ve had a dream of putting on paper what I went through and how God formed me along the way.

Well, after a couple of weeks of intentional time, some prayer, and some editing by my beautiful wife, I’m launching an eBook today.

eBook Cover

How can you get it?

In about a month or so, I’ll figure out a way to post it on this blog so it’s an easy click-buy process.  But between now and October 8, I’m doing something completely different. Why October 8?  That’s when I run the Chicago Marathon with Team World Vision.

You may have already guessed where this is going.  Any donation to Team World Vision will get you the eBook!

A one-time $50 donation allows a kid to have access to clean water…forever.  Now, I do NOT think what I wrote is worth $50, but I do think clean water is.

You might be able to give $10, or $25.  That’s fantastic.  I’ll send you the eBook all the same. Others of you can afford a $1,000 donation.  For you, I’ll send TWO copies 😉

Joking aside, the way to get the eBook (at least for now) is to make any donation to my page, and then the email you provide when you donate will be the email I send the eBook to.  It’s that simple.

Let’s help some kids get clean water!

 

Why Not Me?

About one week before I was diagnosed with Testicular Cancer, I came across a Matt Chandler video that he recorded for his church when he was first finding out about his Brain Cancer.

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I was inspired by Matt’s resolve to love and serve Jesus in spite of this challenge he was facing, and I was inspired by his ability to see it as just another thing in life to trust God with and use to build his faith.

He talks about Hebrews 11, and how some great men of God shut the mouths of lions and fought injustice and did phenomenal things in their lifetime…but then some great men were killed and tortured for their faith; yet both were counted as ones who had great faith in God.

Then, he said something that would completely change my perspective on trials and challenges for a follower of Jesus:  He felt honored to be considered worthy to endure this trial (brain cancer), and be given a chance not only to praise God in the good times, but to praise God in the tough times.

I remember sitting in my bed, watching that video, thinking to myself, “I hope I would have the same response if something like that happened to me.”

Fast forward to the hospital bed I was in on May 8, right before my emergency surgery.  I truly believe it was Gods grace and strength that allowed me to lift my perspective, but I turned to my family and said, “ya know? Why not me?”  It’s hard to explain, but in that moment, I felt a sense of honor that God would trust me with this trial.  I had that video in mind that I had seen just the week before.

Theologically, I believe God was aware and allowing this to happen in my life.  And since He was allowing it, I had the choice to trust and praise Him through it, just like I’ve trusted and praised Him through all of the good times in my life.

Pause & Sidenote:  I realize this could sound super prideful…it even reads that way as I write it.  But I hope my heart’s intent comes through these words – nothing I did enabled me to have this response.  I believe God allowed me to see the bigger picture.  Did I have my doubts and down-days?  Absolutely.  Not every chemo day was all smiles and Bible verses.  It sucked, and it’s ok to be human, and weak, and honest about those days. 

That Chandler video shifted my perspective on life, how I read the Bible, and how I viewed trails and challenges in this life.  Why not me?  If trials are inevitable (and they are), then may they be yet another way to lift up the name of Jesus.

Also, if trials are inevitable, then why not allow Jesus-followers to experience them?  We can be the people to walk the tough road differently.  We can be the people of peace, grace, and kindness in the midst of a storm.  The world will be able to look upon Christians walking through trials and notice how different our response is to theirs.

I’m not confident I know all the reasons I had to walk through Testicular Cancer.  When I think about my life and where I was at the time, perhaps God wanted to show a youth group of Junior High students in Michigan what it looks like to be a Christian and still walk through really tough times.

If I could be part of God’s illustration in a broader teaching to the watching world…then, why not me?

The Day Everything Changed

I’m not one to overthink things or be dramatic, so the Doctor appointment I had scheduled didn’t seem too important to me.  It was the first time I was seeing a Urologist, and it was at the recommendation of my Primary Care Physician.  Two weeks of antibiotics didn’t work to get rid of the pain I was feeling…so here I was seeing a specialist.

I got settled in and waited for my name to be called.  “Adam Mashni.”  Well, here we go.  The Doctor and I make small talk, and we figure out that some of our relatives are actually married to each other!  Did that make us family?  I wasn’t sure.  Also, I found out he knows my Uncle, who also happens to be a Urologist. It’s fun connecting with people, especially for an extrovert like me.

The small talk was quickly over when he uttered the words, “This doesn’t feel good.”  He told me that he wanted to schedule an ultrasound and get some blood work done as soon as possible.  “Stat” was the word he used, which in everyday English means, HURRY!

After the tests were complete, I decided to head back to work.  I figured it would be a couple of days before anyone got back to me.  I arrive at my car, open the door, but before I could shut the door and start my car, my phone rings.  It was the receptionist. Turns out the Doctor wanted to see me ASAP.  So I walked back inside.

The Doctor invites me into his office.  Not a patient room.  His personal office.  As soon as that happened I knew it wasn’t going to be good news.  I’ve seen movies.  Nothing good is ever discussed in the personal office.  That’s when he told me.

“You’ve got Testicular Cancer.”

He began to explain the kind of Testicular Cancer he was pretty sure I had.  I honestly don’t remember much from that conversation.  Words like “non-seminoma” and others like it.  I had no clue what all of it meant.  He then proceeded to tell me he is recommending I come back that night for emergency surgery.  The mass/tumor needed to be removed immediately.

The next clearing in my foggy thought process occurred when the Doctor offered to call my Uncle.  “Yes!” I thought.  Any sort of familiar was welcomed.  I take out my cell phone to find his number…my cell phone battery was dead.  Ugh…always the worst timing.  The Doctor began rummaging through his papers on his desk, as well as his old text messages.  He had met my Uncle at a Urology Conference just a few months prior. He ends up finding it and dials the number.

So many thoughts in my head at this point.  What if he doesn’t answer?  What would I do?  Who would I need to call next?  My phone is dead!  Where would I get a second opinion?  Do I even need a second opinion?

“Hello?”  He answered.

My Doctor allowed me to talk to him a bit.  He then explained to my Uncle the nitty-gritty medical details.  My Uncle agreed – the tumor needed to come out that night.  It was settled.  I had my second opinion – from my Uncle, who was also a Urologist.  So we scheduled the surgery for 9:00pm on May 8, 2014.

Now all I had to do was call my fiancé, my parents, and anyone else that deserved to know the life-altering news I had just received.  But who to call first?  As best as I can remember, I called my parents first and let them know.  Then I called my friend Bill.  In that conversation I asked him if I should bug Meagan at work and let her know.  Umm. Duh.

Yep, my fiancé was the third phone call.  Sorry babe.

I went back to work, let my co-workers in on what was happening, and began to pack up my stuff.  I was scheduled to speak that night in our college ministry, but that clearly wasn’t happening – so we figured out who was going to cover for me.

After all of the rescheduling and covering of my responsibilities, I finally just sat in my office chair.  I can still think back to that spot.  We had one big office for our student ministry team with a bunch of cubicle desks – so if I spun my chair around, I could see everyone.  And that’s what I did.  It was a moment of stillness amid a day full of chaos.

I told my co-workers and friends that I was doing OK and it was probably nothing. The truth was I had no idea how I was feeling.  I look back now and realize that shock and fight-or-flight instincts took over and I did what I had to do to remain strong.

Fast forward a few hours.  We’re at the Hospital and sitting in the waiting room.  True to form, I’m making light of the situation and cracking jokes.  Meagan, and my Mom, were not amused.  I get called back for surgery prep, and it begins to feel real.  Then, all of a sudden, people begin to show up.

Bill came.  Then Justin.  Then Tim.  Then Jimmy.  Then extended family.  Before and after surgery, I was completely surrounded by my best friends and close family.  It will always be a memory of relationship for me.  I had people in my life that were willing to drop everything and head to the Hospital.

I’ll also remember the “only God” moments.  Oh yes. In the midst of a cancer diagnosis, I saw God’s fingerprints.  The connection to my Urologist.  The fact that he had met my Uncle only a few months prior – and STILL had his cell number readily available.  The fact that the tumor caused pain and I went in for a check.  (I would learn later that tumors normally don’t cause pain…they just grow).

May 8 will always be “cancer diagnosis” day for me…but it will also be so much more.  Friends. Family. Only God moments.  The journey was going to be a tough one, but with those three in my life, I was going to be just fine.